A Forgotten Land
On the first Episode of Tales From Discovia, Emily invites Historian and Professor Pete Langstead to give an overview of Discovia. We also hear a tale from the famous Discovian Poet Bünt Cäk.
Transcript
- [Emily] Hi! I'm Emily.
(harp music plays)
::A PhD student at Oxdale University.
::While researching folklore from
Eastern Europe for my studies,
::I took an ancestry DNA test
::and discovered my roots are strongly tied
::to a country I had never heard of.
::(Tales of Discovia stinger plays)
::- [E] Discovia. The border nation.
::In an attempt to know
more about my heritage,
::I have made it my goal
::to educate myself on this nation's
::rich culture, history, and folklore.
::On that path, I will be interviewing
experts, historians, elders,
::and just about anyone who can
lift the veil on where I come from.
::There are "Tales From Discovia".
::(Tales From Discovia theme music plays)
::- [E] On this episode,
I interview historian Pete Langstead,
::who will give me an overview on Discovia,
::it's history, and what
he knows of the culture.
::Thank you for coming, Pete.
::- [Pete Langstead] Oh yes, well,
the pleasure is mine.
::- [E] And how did your
interest with Discovia begin?
::- [P] Well, about 45 years ago,
::I was travelling through Eastern Europe
::during my university days,
::when I lost my passport
outside of G-G-Germany.
::I was sent to a holding facility
::while I awaited my– my new
passport to be cleared, and
::and it happened to be within
the northwestern region of Discovia.
::- [E] What a dilemma!
::- [P] (chuckles) Indeed it was, but
::while I was there, I had the good fortune
of speaking with a Discovian who–
::who was travelling through.
::Thankfully, they wanted to
practice their English, and
::so we struck up a conversation
that lasted for hours.
::- [E] Aw, how wholesome.
::- [P] Yes, it was brilliant, really.
::We ended up writing a few
letters back and forth, and
::eventually I went to visit him
::and his family just outside
of the capital of Lugingraz.
::- [E] How did you find it compared
to your travels elsewhere?
::- [P] Fascinating! Yes.
::I– I became enamoured with
the history especially.
::It's one of the world's
most forgotten places.
::It t-turns out we owe a lot to Discovia
::in terms of their contributions to culture–
- [E] Oh, before we get too specific...
::Do you mind sharing an overview
of Discovia for our listeners?
::I don't believe many of them
will be too familiar with it.
::- [P] (chuckles) Oh yes yes, of course, I–
::I tend to launch into stories,
being a historian, so
::please feel free to steer me
in the right direction, if I–
::if I get too off course. (laughs heartily)
::- [E] It's not a problem.
Please continue. (chuckles)
::- [P] Right. Yes.
::Discovia is the world's
second longest country.
::Often called "the Border Nation",
::it very literally sits
between the borders of
::several countries in Eastern Europe.
::In total, it's about
two and a half kilometres wide,
::making it the thinnest
country in the world,
::and at present it is about
2000 kilometres long.
::- [E] Yes, I assume the borders
have changed once or twice.
::- [P] (scoffs) "Once or twice"
would be an understatement.
::Eh, the country has gone through
so many border changes,
::with the evolution of
the Baltic States, for example,
::that many of the maps
refuse to label it at all.
::- [E] Ha, like New Zealand a bit.
::- [P] (laughs heartily) Well–
Well yes, I s'pose, though
::it has been a country for far longer.
::- [E] How long exactly?
::- [P] Well, like much surrounding Discovia,
::there are competing strands
of evidence around that question,
::but eh officially, Discovia was
recognised as a country
::in 1918, along with some
of the other Baltic States.
::However it is eh
::its existence as a territory,
::and its people date back much longer still.
::The original drawn border
dates back to mid-2nd century,
::between the Roman Empire and–
and Germania.
::That was the first line
::where the settlers of the area
started to form their own identity.
::- [E] That's incredible.
::I would never have thought
that the Discovians
::would have the means to
defend themselves for that long.
::- [P] Well, it's interesting
that you say that.
::The Discovians have
long been understood to be
::stewards of the traveller.
::And for that reason,
they were mostly well-liked,
::a-and not bothered, really.
::When they first met resistance, they would
::often seek help from
the opposing border nation,
::but they developed other means of defence,
::some which helped establish
long cultural traditions.
::- [E] And that reminds me of
a story I found in my research.
::- [P] Oh.
(Tales From Discovia theme music plays)
::- [E] As we explore
Discovia's rich history,
::I am reminded of the resilience
of its earliest settlers,
::and one of Discovia's lesser-known poets,
::Bünt Cäk.
::Much like Aesop, Bünt Cäk's tales
transcend time and location.
::However, his execution by
the church in: ::made it illegal to share the texts,
or recite his tales audibly.
::The survival of these tales are a result
::of them being transcribed
by foreign priests at the time.
::This particular tale reflects
::the early tribes of Discovia's
wariness of strangers,
::and has been translated
by English scholars.
::"The Girl With Bad Croup",
::a tale by Bünt Cäk..
::(birds tweet)
(pleasant piano music plays)
::- [E] "Deep in the grass fields,
there lived a small village of mud farmers.
::"They worked and
made trade with travellers
::"who passed through
to other lands.
::"They lived happily this way,
::"and were always very generous
to their foreign guests.
::"So much so that their
walls of thorns were removed,
::"and fashioned into
intricate thorny arches."
::"'We shall welcome all to our village!'
::"spake the town sultan."
(birds chirp)
::"'Let any passerby be given a free ration
of mud and grass for their travels!
::"'Their word shall travel,
::"'and our village shall be known
for its generosity and kind nature.'
::''Huzzah!' cheered the village,
and on they went."
::(quiet cheering)
(piano music plays)
::"From that day forth, the village gifted
mud and grass to every weary traveller,
::"ne'er asking for gifts in return."
(piano music plays)
::"Before long, the sultan's words rang true,
::"and the small village grew
to a mighty city."
::(quiet cityscape sounds)
- [E] "Nations near and far
::"would know of its significance,
and in times of peace,
::"it was regarded as a safe haven
for the tired and weak."
::(quiet cityscape sounds)
- [E] "However,
::"times of peace do not linger."
::(somber fiddle music plays)
::"And the stinky fingers of war
were soon stretching into these lands.
::"Tales of pillaging armies
and famine reached the city,
::"and many sick and injured folk
took refuge there.
::"'Whatever shall we do?!'
the townsfolk cried.
::"'Our mud is thin and our grass
is turning with the sun.
::"'We can no longer afford
to give so freely!'
::"'Nonsense,' spake the sultan.
::"'We shall resume life as we have.
::"'These harsh times do not last.'
::"But last they did."
::(somber fiddle music plays)
(war horn blows)
::(wind howls)
- [E]"War woth now upon the city.
::"and many of the sick had been
::"quarantined to the older settlements
outside the gates."
::(somber fiddle music plays)
::"One of the sick and injured
woth a small girl,
::"nay more than four seasons.
::"She wondered the fields, fighting
the rabbits for her daily grass.
::"Unable to spake,
she communed in a rasp cough."
::(baby coughs)
::"So loud and gross wath her cough,
(baby continues coughing)
::"the rabbits would flee at the sound of it.
(baby continues coughing)
::"Then one day,
::"a large army came to the city walls."
(quiet marching boots)
::"They took their torches to the grass,
::"salted the mud,
(fire roars)
::"and killed the townsfolk and sultan.
::"As the army left the city burning,
::"the mighty general looked to
the settlements outside the gates.
::"'We hath missed thar settlements, general!
Shall we go back?', said a soldier.
::"The general peered into the distance
(quiet fire crackles)
::"and saw the girl with bad croup,
(baby coughs)
::"her coughs so loud and gross
::"that the soldiers could hear it
over the large blaze.
::"'Nay!' spake the general.
(baby continues coughing)
::"'The sick shall spread disease
through our ranks!
::"'I will not permit it!'
::"And so the army marched on.
::"The townsfolk saw this
and praised the girl.
::"From that moment on,
::"when travellers were
seen at the forest edge,
::"the village would emit a mighty cough
::"that could be heard
the length of the mountains.
::"The travellers would avoid the peoples
::"And the village was
never brought to harm."
::- [P] Eh I'm so happy to hear that
::you're familiar with
the works of Bünt Cäk.
::I think he's one of the most
unsung poets of his time!
::- [E] Oh, I agree.
::His stories are still so relevant to today.
::Now, Professor Langstead,
::I would like to ask you some more
::specific questions I've
prepared for the day.
::They may jump around a bit,
if you dont mind that.
::- [P] Oh, not at all!
::Please, fire away!
::- [E] I did have a question actually
::um about Bünt Cäk himself.
::Now you mentioned that
he was executed by the church.
::Can you tell us a bit more about that?
::- [P] Yes, well it's quite a
troubling story, really.
::The church at that point in time
::had a firm grasp on Discovia.
::Trying to subdue any education or
further uprising from the poorer regions
::who were dealing with
a grass famine at the time.
::Now, Bünt Cäk seemed to be akin to
::a mad prophet for those Discovians.
::The church tried to
bury this story long ago,
::but the records that we can point to
from foreign scholars and poets
::seem to suggest that he
had started gaining a bit of a following
::in the northern reaches of Discovia,
::where he would speak to large crowds
::about agricultural practices
in other places.
::Eh he often spoke of the potato,
::or "grass apple" as it was
known in those days.
::- [E] Yeah.
- [P] And the church
::had quite a restricted belief that
::the only holy food was grass.
::Now, of course a modern day
interpretation would be that
::grass kept the people tired and weak,
::and the church in power, so
::it's all a bit grim, really.
::- [E] Oh, fascinating.
::Thank you, Professor. (chuckles)
::Um, now not– (chuckles)
not to get too morbid, um
::but I just– I feel like this might
be quite interesting for the listeners.
::Um I have seen a few etchings...
::Now obviously they're
quite hard to come by.
::Of Bünt Cäk, um...
::in relation to his death.
::And he always seems to be
upside-down in those etchings.
::Can you– Can you tell us a bit
more perhaps about the
::method of his execution?
(chuckles awkwardly)
::- [P] It's funny you bring up
his death, actually.
::Yes, the etchings are correct
as they stand.
::Even though they–
they look upside-down.
::Well, lynchings or hangings were quite
popular around the world at this time.
::But it seemed that the Discovians either
::purposely had their own
twist to the method,
::or that they just didn't
quite get the memo on
::how to properly hang someone.
::- [E] Mm.
- [P] So, instead of by the neck,
::which would be customary at the time,
::they hung Bünt Cäk by his toes,
::or "piggy wiggies" as they were known.
- [E] Oh. Mm-hmm.
::- [P] Now strangely enough,
::his toes did not break when he was hung.
::Miraculously, the story goes that
::eh his toes began to stretch,
::which was seen as a sort of sign of the
::prophecy coming to fruition at the time.
::This news quickly spread
throughout the land and
::to this day, some Discovians
::are born with an extra long
index toe or middle toe,
::which is seen as a blessing from God
that you are kind of
::carrying on the– or a
descendant from Bünt Cäk.
::- [E] Professor, you will not
believe this, but I...
::actually often been teased by
::my own long toes. (chuckles)
- [P] No kidding!
::My goodness! And– It's– It's–
- [E] Yeah.
::(Emily chuckles)
- [P] Would you mind just–
::Might– It might seem a bit forward, but
::might I– might I examine
::your– your elbow?
- [E] No, let me just um...
::Oh, my elbow?
- [P] Yes, yes.
::- [E] Sorry, I thought you were
going to say my toes,
::I went to take my shoes off. (laughs)
- [P] No, well, no no no, the–
::- [P] It's fine, I believe you on the toes.
- [E] You don't want that– Yeah.
::- [P] But if I could just see
the end of your elbow.
::- [E] Absolutely, yes.
- [P] Yes, that's very interesting indeed.
::(coughs) You see, female Discovians
::often possess an exquisite trait
::that runs in the ethnic lines of that area.
::A long, calloused protrusion of the
::skin on the elbow,
or the "weenus" as it's known.
::Eh so the– the calloused, long weenus
::seems to, at least on your right arm,
::be ever-present.
- [E] It is, I've always been so
::self-conscious about that. (chuckles)
- [P] Whereas, it's actually– it's–
::In– In Discovia, it's known to be um
::attractive. Yes, well it was.
- [E] Oh, stop it. (chuckles)
::- [P] You would be a movie star over there.
- [E] Oh.
::I do believe, with your long toe
and your calloused weenus.
::You would be wonderful!
- [E] I'll have to tell my mum that.
::(Emily laughs)
- [P] Yes, yes. Oh, please do.
::Now which side of the family is Discovian?
::- [E] Um, it's on my father's side.
::- [P] Oh yes, on your
father's side, oh yes.
::Now does you father– does he have
a bit of a harsh stare about him,
::or a bit of a wide eye, as it were?
::- [E] Um yeah, yeah just the one eye, yeah.
::Yeah. Yeah, we can um–
but we often tease him
::when he gets angry um, because it
does tend to protrude quite a bit.
::- [P] Yes, you see the bulging eyes
of Discovia are another one.
::We– We don't have too much time
to disclose them today,
::but I'm sure if you get
a medical professional who's
::pro– familiar with such things,
::they could give you a more educated answer.
::I will "stay in my lane", as it were.
(chuckles)
::Historical accounts.
- [E] Yes, well
::thank goodness I didn't um
inherit that one. (chuckles)
::(Emily sniffs)
- [P] (chuckles) Oh yes, not that's
::more common in the males of Discovia.
- [E] Yeah, oh.
::Yeah, thank goodness for that.
Um, now Professor,
::bringing it back to um...
::Bünt Cäk's story that we heard today,
::and uh "The Girl With The Bad Croup"
::that of um open mouth coughing,
::sort of where that all originated.
- [P] Yes.
::- [E] Um, now I find this
absolutely fascinating, but...
::also like surely this has
::implications on health within Discovia.
::Like do people in Discovia get sick more
often because of this open-mouth coughing?
::- [P] Yes, well we do have evidence that
::quite a few of these early tribes were–
::were dying out. They were
quite nomadic really, but–
::But shortly after this period,
::incredibly there are historic accounts
::of the Discovians
having incredible immunity.
::Mostly due to communal sickness sharing
amongst these villages,
::most likely due to the open-mouth coughing.
::Eh almost a primate version of–
of a pox party, as it were.
::Instead thi– This was
only done at the time
::to ward off intruders and
armies passing through the area.
::But the knock-on effect that it had
::was making their
immune systems much stronger
::than the average Eastern European.
::- [E] That's incredible.
::So does that mean that... Discovia fared
quite well with– with Covid, for example?
::- [P] Well... That's a
fascinating question, really.
::Eh to be fair, I am more familiar
::with the historic accounts of Discovia,
::rather than the more recent accounts
of– of Covid in that area.
::But I would be interested to know
::if this has had a lasting effect.
::We should definitely look into it.
::- [E] We ask our listeners
not to look up this information
::'cause the results are quite upsetting.
::Well! That's about all
we have time for today.
::But thank you so much for
taking the time to discuss Discovia.
::- [P] Eh the pleasure is mine, Emily.
::I wish you well in your research,
::and oh I'll happily join again, if needed.
::- [E] I would like that, thank you.
::(theme music plays quietly)
- [E] Next time on "Tales From Discovia".
::(dramatic transition sound plays)
::- [Speaker One] The digger guy
knew straight away, he did.
::Knew it were the long pig.
(tense music plays quietly)
::Course we had no idea
what it meant, I mean,
::I knew from his face we'd struck gold.
::- [Speaker Two] His eyes were
like saucers, they were. (chuckles)
::- [S1] It could only be
(with dramatic echo) The Curse.
::(dramatic transition sound plays)
::(theme music plays quietly)
- [Charlie] "Tales From Discovia" is
::written and created by Kevin Orlando,
Charlie Potter, and David Bowers-Mason.
::Original music by Jono Weston,
::and artwork by David Bowers-Mason.
::"The Girl With The Bad Croop"
writtend by Kevin Orlando.
::Mixed and edited by Kevin Orlando.
(theme music fades out)
